Musing
by storyspeaker
Summary: Ramza reflects on his situation. Warnings mentions of m/m pairing
1. Musing

**Musing**

Disclaimer: I don't own FFT; it belongs to its creators and right holders.

Warnings: Mentions of m/m pairing and alludes to sexual contact.

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Ramza pulled his cloak close to him as he stared out on the city. He hadn't thought that he would truly be left with few to call friend. Never would he have thought that so many would mistake his idealism and optimism for naiveté and un-worldliness. A soft humourless laugh escaped passed chapped lips as he thought of the few encounters with Delita.

"If I told you he was never worth that, would you believe me?"

Ramza didn't look around because he recognized the voice of one of his company. "You could say anything and it really wouldn't matter. We have both made our choices."

"Yea and a few of us were there for most of what happened."

Ramza turned to the female and smiled sadly. "I begin to wonder if I ever knew Delita. I doubt the memories of a lover that took care to insure my comfort and pleasure. The events of today make me wonder if even then I was nothing but a means to an end." He shook his head letting his short hair sway to and fro a bit.

Peline sighed as she patted his shoulder. She too was from a noble family though admittedly minor in comparison to Ramza's standing. They had known each other even before the Academy. So she better than the others knew both of the pair better for having grown up with them and their younger sisters. She hadn't been really close because the group had been exclusive unto itself and the girls had been sent off to the convent for schooling before the three had gone off to the Academy.

"We will never make the history books as anything other than heretics." He chuckled, "And the way things are going for Delita he will be made king and be known as the one to end the war. The people will make up stories about the heroics of him, turning a blind eye to the fact that he would prove to be the most ruthless of all of the candidates for the crown."

"Hey you two better catch up or you'll be left with the stable to sleep in," Lars' voice could be heard trailing on the air ahead of them.

They shared a look as they began to briskly stride to catch up to the company. For now they would leave the topic. At the moment, they would focus on what they had to do in order to stop and hopefully survive the conflict against the church and devils connected to the Zodiac Stones.


	2. Reflections

**Disclaimer: **I claim no rights to FF: Tactics and characters because they belong to the creators and rights holders.

**Warnings**: Nothing explicit. There is mention of m/m relationship. Oh, any grammar mistakes are my own as I'm not very good at self-editing.

**AN**: I thank akidos-wok and My Solitude for their reviews. Sorry I didn't reply. Anyway, I'm glad that someone can agree with me in thinking that Ramza is an optimistic person. Also, as My Solitude commented about how many different events are implied in the fic is something that I was aiming for and I'm glad that it was noticed. I couldn't leave it there, so here is another fic.

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**Reflections**

Ramza looked over at Peline again and wondered not for the first time if he shouldn't have tried harder in making her stay behind. In fact he had talked to her more than he had his sister about not following him in his confrontation of the Devils.

He knew his sister and knew that she could be quite stubborn. Peline he had been learning about all over again. She had become a great source of strength and even anguish. Those battles that she had died in still haunted him, for how close he came to losing her. He had remembered when Albert had used two Phoenix Downs and seemed like there was no response. The thought that her spirit had passed on, making it too late to revive her had near broke his will.

She knew all of him, including the short physical relationship with Delita. He could now admit that to himself; what could he have known of relationships as a mere youth? Their friendship had always been intense and they had taken it to another level under what he still can't classify. Even now he felt that intensity in spite of the betrayals, indifference and scorn.

Never once did she judge him for the feelings that he held for his childhood friend. She didn't judge the way many would if they knew, instead showing sympathy when he came to the acceptance of Delita's denial of even friendship's love.

She has remained his rock as companions came and went or passed beyond their reach. She had sat with him as he silently raged at the fates and cursed the devils that had taken his sister to be Ajora's vessel. She believed in him and the path that he was intent on following.

So, here they stood side by side with the rest of the company standing at their backs ready to follow him into the Devil's abyss. He is both amazed and humbled by their support, their loyalty to him. Mostly, he is filled with a love far stronger than he has ever felt for the other woman as she met his gaze with her own filled equally with determination and love.

"You need not come with me to a battle that we are unlikely to survive. I know you all have families and responsibilities..." Ramza began to only to be cut off.

"This is as much our battle and our responsibility as yours Ramza." Albert broke in.

"Yes," Peline agreed with their friend and long time companion. "Let's go get your sister back Ramza. Alma's waiting for us."

Ramza looked over the sober faces of his company and saw that their acceptance and resolve matched his own. Each gaze he met showed their steadfastness, and he is again flattered by their support and belief in him. That they too would take up this fight, a fight that has stripped them as much as him of any credibility when they could walk away and break all ties with him and retain something of their good names...humbles him.

He silently vows to them that he will do all in his power to insure that these men and women can walk away from this battle alive. He will pay back their faith in him by protecting them with his all.


End file.
